all talk, no action.

Striving to be a zero.

mishasaysrawr:

If you’ve read through any of my other long, semi-serious posts, you know that I’m in recovery from anorexia. Lately, as I follow more diverse people on Tumblr, I’ve seen more thinspiration than I care to see considering my “recovering” status. 

It’s sickening. 

There are blogs called “Don’t eat today” or “dying to be thin” or something like that. I try not to pay too much attention to them. All I see from the reblogs are skin and bones, something I could have died trying to accomplish. And something that people do die trying to accomplish. Some statistics:

• 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide.
• 5 – 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease
• 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years
• 30 – 40% ever fully recover – that’s less than half!

(source)

No one tells you this stuff when you decide to start starving yourself. No one tells you this when you look into the mirror and watch the pounds melt off.

When I was at my worst, I did everything possible to ignore what I’ve learned in biology about metabolism, calories, anatomy, etc. And that was easy, believe it or not, even when my heart skipped beats and made my whole body ache.

Anorexia is terrifying. Only 30-40% ever fully recover? As much as I wish I could say I’m part of that, I’m not. The shitty thing about this disease is that it changes every part of you, mentally and physically. Every person smaller than you becomes a challenge, and every one bigger than you becomes a fear realized. Every pound lost is a victory, and every pound gained feels like a nail in your coffin. 

With anorexia, as a woman, you’re striving to be a zero. Who wants to be a zero? A zero is nothing by definition. You wither away to nothing to be something that is almost impossible to obtain as a full grown adult, or even a growing teenager.

There’s no wonder that 20% of people die as a direct result from this disease. 

Starting on the 20th, Eating Disorder Awareness Week begins. As someone trying to recover from anorexia, I’m blogging about it. I’ll also cover bulimia, despite my limited experience. It won’t make a difference to someone with an eating disorder, because when you want to be tiny nothing else matters. This is for people who have thought about being thin, and people whose best friends want to be thin, etc. 

Let the games begin.

It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week again. This time, I’m not going to try to post every day or something like that. Life prevents any real attempt at that. Instead, I’ll reblog my old posts and maybe post some newer stuff if I get the time.

In the meantime, check out http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ for more information and ways to help. It would mean a lot to me, and the estimated 24 million people that suffer from eating disorders.

Thank you!